Reframing parenting

Changing the conversation about parenting

The Reframing Parenting project is an important national effort to help children. It’s doing this by helping people to talk and think in more productive ways about parenting. And it’s based on research involving more than 7500 Australians.

There is much evidence available about what children need to develop well. But this major project has found that the way we communicate this information to parents is ineffective. This is because the way we communicate does not take into account the culture around parenting in Australia.

What reframing parenting means in practice

To reframe how we talk about parenting means beginning our communications with what children need to develop well, rather than what parents should do to be effective.

It also means we must stop highlighting how hard parenting is, because that gets people stuck on problems rather than solutions.

The research also shows a way forward on how to use metaphor to help explain that the external environment shapes parenting. It shows that describing the parenting experience using a navigating waters metaphor really resonates with the Australian public.

What the public thinks

Australian culture includes dominant views about parenting as something that comes naturally, as an individual pursuit, as a one-way thing done to children and as something determined by the way a person’s own parents acted.

This thinking makes it hard for people to accept there are things we can do to improve parenting. It also means they are less likely to seek help when they need it. And they are more likely to feel judged when they don’t ‘measure up’.

Perceptions of Parenting report

What the evidence says

Evidence, though, tells us there is much we can do. We know that parenting involves a set of skills that can be learned. Also, we know there is much that societies can do to improve parenting – through the policies they design for children and families, the way they deliver services and the investments they make in parenting support.

So, if we want to get that message across and do the best we can to help children, we need to communicate with parents in ways that work.

What we learned

We commissioned the FrameWorks Institute to conduct a major piece of research around how to communicate the evidence around parenting and how to help Australians think strategically about the benefits of investing in parenting support.

This work, built on five years of child development research, found that we need a new story or ‘master narrative’ that involves talking about parenting in terms of child development rather than parents being effective. This “switches on” rich and productive ways of thinking about parenting.

Read our research report

Common Reframing Parenting questions – answered

In our Reframing Parenting in the context of COVID-19 webinar Annette Michaux and Frameworks Institute CEO Nat Kendall-Taylor discussed the challenges and opportunities for supporting children’s wellbeing through effective framing in the context of COVID-19.

During the webinar, participants were able to ask questions, which have come up often in our reframing work, and have been answered here.

When we lead with terms like ‘vulnerable’ or ‘disadvantaged’, we risk triggering the commonly held fatalistic view that some communities are beyond help and that the cycle of poor parenting can’t be broken. We make it easier for people to blame and dismiss the very families and communities that we work with.

The Australian public draw on certain deeply held assumptions when they think about parenting, including that:

good parenting happens naturally and automatically simply from having a concern for children
good parenting is a choice, at the individual’s discretion and willpower
we are destined to parent as we were parented.

People also tend to think that Australia provides adequate support already, leading them to believe that families struggling must be making poor choices.

These common beliefs can lead people to demonise and ‘other-ise’ people who may be struggling in their parenting. If good parenting is simply about caring – and caring is something that good people do naturally – then struggling as a parent means that you are abnormal or immoral. The research found that these patterns of thinking are particularly strong when combined with stereotypes of low-income and other disadvantaged communities.

What can we do?

We need to balance our messages about real issues with solutions and the potential for change. We can still talk about the issues that many families face, but it’s more effective to avoid leading with those issues and avoid using blanket terms and labels such as ‘vulnerable families’ or ‘disadvantaged communities’. More effective strategies are to:

emphasise the way in which we are all connected and dependent upon each other
explain that everyone needs support, and some parents will sometimes need specific or additional support
use language such as ‘we’ and ‘our communities’ to reduce the emphasis on support being for just ‘those’ people
present concrete solutions and explain how those solutions will work
instead of ‘the homeless’ or ‘vulnerable people’ consider ‘people experiencing’ or ‘people exposed to’.

Before: “We are experiencing a crisis with too many children experiencing abuse and neglect. Many of these families experience complex issues such as family violence, mental health problems and homelessness. We need more support for vulnerable children and families.”

After: “Children thrive when our policies and programs support parents. Support can help parents to navigate rough waters such as financial problems or stress. We need to make support available to all families so that parents can navigate challenges and all children can thrive.”

We often lead with an acknowledgement of the struggles and challenges that parents face. While well intended, our reframing parenting research shows that this can make the challenges of parenting seem inevitable and insurmountable. Rather than making people more willing to seek help, it can actually reinforce the belief that nothing can be done to improve parenting, and that parenting skills can’t be learnt.

Our aim is a good one – we think that by normalising parenting struggles, we will destigmatise the challenges and help parents to feel less guilty about their own parenting. Instead, we now know that focusing on the problems:

leads people to conclude that problems arise because of choices made by individual parents, rather than contexts and circumstances
normalises the wrong thing – the struggle – rather than normalising support or help-seeking.

So let’s normalise the idea that all parents need support. We can still talk about the challenges that parents may face, but it’s more effective to avoid leading with them.

Before: “Parenting can be hugely rewarding but it is also hard work. Most parents today will experience emotional or practical challenges as they raise their children – it’s vital that support is available when that happens.”

After: “For children to develop well they need well-supported parents. Support can help parents to navigate rough waters such as financial problems or stress. We need to make support available to all families so that parents can navigate challenges and all children can thrive.”

Before: “Are you adjusting to parenthood? Are you feeling tired, anxious, isolated or emotionally drained? Parenting can be hugely rewarding but it is also hard work – particularly in the early days. Our service that can help you work through your feelings.”

After: “For children to develop well they need well-supported parents. But we sometimes feel as if we’re navigating rough waters. If you’ve been feeling tired or anxious, our counsellors can help you get back on an even keel.”

Further reading
Nat Kendall-Taylor’s article The hardest part of being a parent has nothing to with raising kids, December 2019.

Sustained organisational change requires a deliberate, planned approach. Organisational readiness is critical to effective change efforts. Staff and leadership at all levels must be willing and able to put new practices in place if change efforts are to succeed.

There are a range of strategies that can build readiness for change and support the introduction of effective framing. Draw on implementation research for strategies that can support the introduction of the reframing research, including:

Establish an implementation team:

to drive the implementation and champion the framing approach.

Build motivation to change how we talk about parenting:

explain why the change is so important and the impact it can have on families and other stakeholders
develop a shared understanding of the need for change among stakeholders (e.g. staff, funders, community partners, Board members)
engage and nurture multiple champions to promote the change
share early success to build buy-in and motivation.

Ensure that leadership take an active role in driving the change:

communicate consistently and clearly with all staff about the value of the framing approach
provide access to training and materials that will make introducing the new approach manageable
create processes and structures to enable individuals and groups to think about the need for change and actively participate in the change process
develop or adapt policies and procedures that will make it possible to implement new frames
create opportunities for staff to learn and develop solutions together to support the new approach.

Want to know more?

We'd love to discuss the possibilities you and your organisation can benefit from using reframing parenting.

Changing the conversation about parenting

What reframing parenting means in practice

What the public thinks

What the evidence says

What we learned

Common Reframing Parenting questions – answered

What are the potential risks of using the term ‘vulnerable families’ in our messaging?

What effect can it have on people’s thinking when we describe parenting as a struggle?

How can we gain organisational support to change how we frame our messaging?

Want to know more?

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